Design

This is it, this is The Worst Tesla

Make it a Tesla, except gold.

There’s a small (and very wrong) contingent of people in this world who feel that covering things in gold makes them more fashionable, cooler, and classier. I am now about to speak directly to those people:

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Look at what you’ve done.

This is, unfortunately, a Tesla Model S concept electroplated with 24ct gold.

Face-to-face with the devil.

Okay, so this gold-trimmed Tesla may not directly be your fault, gold-lovers, but it is certainly the fault of Caviar, an absolutely cursed brand that makes supposed “luxury” products like these gold Airpods Max, or this gold phone, or this gold PlayStation 5, or this gold — actually, you get the point.

Perhaps even more disconcerting than the fact that this concept actually exists as a thing you can buy on Earth is stopping to take a moment and actually fathom (if you can) the type of person who might see this perverted ode to peak capitalism on wheels and think, “I’ll take it.”

Here is Caviar’s own pitch to that very hypothetical person...

“Imagine yourself driving this car: A respectable high-quality oil-colored body and a dazzling glow of gold. You are not just driving the car of the future. This is a new word in luxury car modding. If you think that they will turn after you and look with an admiring glance, you are not mistaken. That is exactly what the Caviar Model Excellence 24K is made for.”

Caviar

Yes, the people, who (pathetically) drive to their jobs in a not-gold car will stop, stare, and think: maybe one day with enough generational wealth, an almost brazen deficit of self-awareness, and a sheer and utter lack of class, I too could own this overpriced luxury vehicle. Sadly, they will be right.

I can only assume that the normies will then immediately forget the Glory they have just witnessed and return to, um, I don’t know, making their own food or calling their moms, or whatever it is people without gold Teslas do.

But wait, there’s more...

“We are confident that the synthesis of high technology and luxurious materials is exactly what you need. It's not just a car. It is the quintessence of sophistication, luxury and self-confidence. Dare to walk such a beast along the main streets of the city? Be careful, you can dazzle those around you with your splendor.”

Caviar

“Dare to walk such a beast along the main streets of the city?”

“Dare to walk such a beast along the main streets of the city?”

“Dare to walk such a beast along the main streets of the city?”

Look, we don’t mean to exaggerate here, there are worse things in this world than a gold-trimmed Tesla, this last year has been long and maybe we’re just tired, we probably owe Caviar an apolo—

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$300k

Caviar says this car will cost nearly $165,000 more dollars than a fully-loaded Tesla Model S Plaid.

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Our point stands.

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