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Rating the dildos of 'Cyberpunk 2077'

CD Projekt Red's massive open-world sci-fi epic is bursting with sex toys.

The game is extremely detailed and shockingly realistic, including some very mature elements. Before we dive into the various sex toys you can find strewn about Night City's dystopian hellscape, be warned that this is for adult (18+) eyes only.

A good, solid, standard assortment to please all types.

CD Projekt Red

Too scary. No.

CD Projekt Red

This appears to be nearly as thick as a human leg. Obviously a dildo like this requires ambition and a sense of adventure — not uncommon traits in Night City.

CD Projekt Red

The people in this city must be cleaning up on OnlyFans. But, then again, think about all those doctor bills.

CD Projekt Red

You can buy a lot of artificial limbs in Cyberpunk 2077.

But this is arguably the most powerful.

CD Projekt Red

These dildos are way too blurry. Never commit to a challenge you cannot see.

CD Projekt Red

Don't you dare use a trash dildo. Not in a pandemic. Treat yourself.

CD Projekt Red

What is this? A dildo sword?

CD Projekt Red

My god, it is.

It is a glorious dildo sword. The Excalibur of Cyberpunk 2077. The wielder is the chosen one.

CD Projekt Red

"One dildo to rule them all, one dildo to find them, one dildo to bring them all and in the darkness bone them."

CD Projekt Red

To whoever designed all the dildos in Cyberpunk 2077,

Thank you for your service. Your unlivable crunch has provided many digital avatars with hours of pleasure and fascination. Now please post some links to your design inspiration.

CD Projekt Red

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