Culture

Twitter, babe, you can't call your new product 'Fleets'

Do no gay men work at Twitter?

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Twitter announced today that it is introducing stories, which is all fine and dandy since this is apparently a trend none of us will ever escape. However, the company has also announced that it would be giving this ephemeral new way of posting text, images, videos, etc. the moniker "Fleets."

I'm sorry, what? — "Fleet" wouldn't be a good name for this even if there weren't already an enema product on the market called Fleet. But considering the fact that a large portion of the gay community is *ahem* intimately familiar with the product name on a level usually reserved for "Kleenex," "Googling," and "Coke," it seems like possibly one of the worst names the tech community has ever come up with — and these are the people who gave us "Force Touch."

This is a Fleet enema.Fleet

All of that context removed, "Fleet" is a word that evokes the same skin-crawling reaction as "moist" or "phlegm" or "ointment." It just sounds awful. "Fleet." Say it out loud. Do you like how that feels in your mouth? If so, you need to seek medical attention.

Here are some ideas for what you can call this product: Twitter Stories, Twitter Snapshots, Twitter Taps, Twitter Moments (sorry is that failure still plugging along?), etc. The possibilities are endless. You can could it Twitter Cool Fun Time for all I care. Just not "Fleets."

Twitter, I am begging you. Ride out the meme cycle. Let everyone get their laughs in. Let that help spread awareness of your new product or whatever craven benefit you can get out of this. Then, for the love of god, change the name of this product so I don't need to think about anal douching every time I report on your company.

Update: Thank you for having mercy on us, Twitter. We both owe your gay intern a beer.