Elon Musk and SpaceX are going to launch a lunar satellite next year and fund the entire endeavor with Dogecoin, according to a tweet from the Technoking of Tesla yesterday. The 40kg CubeSat named (sigh) DOGE-1 will ride aboard a Falcon 9 rocket financed by Geometric Energy Corporation.
Once in the vicinity of the moon, DOGE-1 is expected to “obtain lunar-spatial intelligence from sensors and cameras on-board with integrated communications and computational systems,” according to the official press release. “Having officially transacted with DOGE for a deal of this magnitude, Geometric Energy Corporation and SpaceX have solidified DOGE as a unit of account for lunar business in the space sector,” added Geometric Energy's Chief Executive Officer Samuel Reid.
Ironically, in doing so Musk will simultaneously manage to beat the “To the Moon” meme’s horse carcass into the cold, hard, earthen ground while also proving once and for all that God is dead. It also happened to get announced after Dogecoin’s value plummeted over the weekend following Musk’s admission during his first Saturday Night Live hosting appearance that the whole thing was a shitty “hustle.” If it is any comfort, we are weeping right alongside you.
The feeling of interstellar wonder, reduced to a meme scam — "We're excited to launch DOGE-1 to the Moon!" SpaceX Vice President of Commercial Sales, Tom Ochinero, said in the same PR statement because of course he did.
We suppose there’s something innovative and novel about promoting cryptocurrency’s legitimacy as a viable future of commerce by attaching it to a lunar satellite project, but it’s still fuckin’ Dogecoin. The whole announcement is somehow so inane, juvenile, obviously exploitative... and yet genius on Musk’s part. What better way to further solidify his cult of personality than by a media stunt capitalizing on the two things he is now best known for: privatized space travel, and eight-years-late memes. Oh, and a line of expensive, dubiously eco-friendly electric cars whose four current models spell out S-3-X-Y.
Where does this all end? — As a great poet once said, “The Doge cannot hold.” Despite the openly vacuous cryptocurrency’s current literal and figurative skyrocketing, there is simply no way Dogecoin will remain tenable or worthwhile money in the long run. So what exactly will happen when a shitposting billionaire gets tired of his current “joke?” Only time will, unfortunately, tell.
... Of course, we could be completely wrong. Maybe DOGE-1 will usher in a new era of space commerce in which Dogecoin becomes the standard currency. Perhaps, years from now, we will be paying for our Starbucks on the ElonVille lunar base in Dogecoin. If that’s the case, then the next round of Moon Macha Teas is on us.