It's time to face reality, America. We are getting absolutely demolished by Japan when it comes to theme park attractions. Earlier this week, the country released its first official look into the sublime world of Super Nintendo Land, now set to open its gates in February of next year. Here we are, only a few days later, and now forced to bear witness to the sheer awesomeness that is a massive, life-size animatronic Gundam suit. It's unnecessary, it's ridiculous, it's unabashedly badass, but most importantly: It. Isn't. Ours.
Eat your heart out, Disneyland — Seriously, what the hell are we even doing here, people? While America is busy militarizing its Disney police state, Japan constructed yet another one-to-one scale mech suit (the Mobile Suit Gundam Model RX-78F00, to be exact), this one standing nearly 60 feet tall and weighing over 25 tons.
Unlike its 2009 predecessor, however, the new build also includes 24 articulated joints, and even offers visitors to Yokohama's new "Gundam Factory" an observation deck complete with a cockpit featuring real-time mech-eye-views of Yamashita Futo harbor. Just look at this bad boy:
Just add it to Japan's robot arsenal — By the way, giant weaponized mech-suit soldiers aren't the only constructions Japan has been adding to its robotic arsenal. They even have themselves massive wolf-bots designed to scare away bears. Yes, you read that right, goddamnit. Bear-scaring wolf robots. Oh, and lest we forget, there are also these ramen-serving waiter-bots. Sure, they're billed as servile assistants, but ramen can get pretty piping hot.
So, just to recap, while we're busy trading Blue Lives Matter Mickey Mouse coins and visiting theme parks based on ideas from an unrepentant transphobe, Japan is quietly assembling an army of actual Gundams, giant wolf robots, and deadly soup automatons. We have until December 19, when the Gundam Factory opens its gates, for the U.S. to catch up. After that, well... all the watered-down butterbeer in the world won't be able to drown your sorrows.